6 Months of Natalie Rose

On July 20th, it was 6 months since our little munchkin came tumbling into our world. As of this week, I am very happy to say, Natalie is officially off all medication and any medical aid for the first time in her little life. She hasn't been weighed in a few weeks, but I would guesstimate that she is over 13 pounds and a good 22-23 inches long. She is growing nonstop and has new tricks to showoff to us every single day.

Her doctor's appointments have lessened big time. She has been released from her GI and home care. Her pulmonologist appointments have gone from weekly to monthly to "see you in 3 months". She is going the her physical therapist monthly and always performing above her corrected age (which right now is about 2.5 months old).

Natalie smiles all day long and is starting the beginnings of a laugh. She stays awake for most of the day but then sleeps like a darling through the night. 11 pm - 7 am? We'll happily take it!

She is having her full baptism in a couple of weeks (she was baptized in the hospital but we're doing the full mass and party for her now) and then right after that I am going back to work. I cannot believe my time home with her is almost over and am super sad about it, which I know is normal for any returning mother. We've made arrangements so she will not be going into daycare until at least October and I am sure everything will work out.

As for Jimmy and myself? We could not be happier. She is the light in our world and we are so grateful for her every day. Every baby is a miracle, but we got an extra dose of that after the rocky first four months of her life. During her hospital stay everyone would always comment on how well we held up and I really do not think the magnitude of what happened really hit us until recently. I get very upset when I think back to the hard times or see pictures of her from when she was sick. I think now that everything has settled down I have had the time to process it all and, phew, I hope it is the hardest time we ever go through, but at the same time I just feel so completely happy and grateful for how lucky we were that a healthy, happy baby came home with us.

So, all in all, everything is going well. Between taking some unpaid leave from work and hospital bills, it will be awhile until we are back on our feet financially, but it is a small price to pay. We have the baby's first big followup appointment in September that the hospital does every 4 months for the first 2 years of her life and then we will get a real good look at where she stands on everything. Obviously, she will not catch up to her birthday age status for a couple of years, but she is doing pretty darn good.

And the only reason most of you come here - your dose of Natalie Rose:

Medicine Free and Happy Girl

all those smiles!

When she was first born, Jimmy's engagement ring fit around her whole foot 

This was her - 'I'm 6 months old today' pictures!

First time in a bathing suit - still too little to swim though!

Still no play better than sleeping on her Mama

Our silly girl

Her first day home from the NICU until today - my what a difference 2.5 months makes!

Home Sweet Home

Tomorrow will be 4 weeks since Natalie has come home. I cannot believe how fast time is flying. I am already done with 1 month of my 3 months off. Her doctor does not want her in daycare when I go back, but we will cross that bridge when we get there.

We are doing great. Natalie slid seamlessly into our home and never really showed signs of struggling with the transition. It has been us getting use to this new life we now have: who does which feeding, how do so many bottles get dirty so fast, why do wipes seem to evaporate at an astonishing rate, and hmm maybe we should pay those hospital bills. Happily these are the normal adjustments of any new parents and other than administering her medicine and all her doctors appointments, things have been pretty "normal".

All her appointments have gone well so far. We have seen her pediatrician (multiple times), her GI, her Pulmonologist, physical therapist and a visiting nurse comes once a week. Everyone is very happy with how well she is doing and a lot of the specialists we will probably lose after awhile. The Pulmonologist will probably stay with us because she does still do a lot of heavy breathing with her immature lungs and we have to wait and see when she gets sick for the first time (hopefully not for awhile) how her lungs hold up. He told us that preemies have a 50% chance of asthma, and with my family history of a lot of asthmatics, that he won't say she will definitely have it, but there is a very large chance. If that is the case, we will probably be with him throughout her childhood, but I really liked him so I am OK with that.

Natalie is now 9 lbs 6 oz. She is almost 5 months old, but 4 weeks corrected age. She is enamored with light fixtures and ceiling fans. There is no greater indignity than getting her face wiped or her diaper changed. The greatest offense she takes is to the wind when it blows ... I mean, really. We are still waiting for those adorable cooing sounds - but it is still mainly farm animal noises that come out of her. She curls up on anyone's chest and wraps her arms against them like a little tree frog and still has not noticed our 60 lb black dog that runs around the house after us. Needless to say, she is perfect.

So that is the deal. Now I am busy planning her full baptism (Baptism Part II) and am very grateful for the nice weather that allows us to go visit people outside so I don't get cabin fever.

My good friend, who also took pictures of Natalie in the hospital, came by last week to work her magic yet again. So, your dose of Natalie Rose, is extra special this time:

Mmm - milk coma

Love hanging with my Daddy

This is probably the most common face I see from her

Her princess chair. Full proof that my friends will be spoiling her rotten

This is really what she was like almost the entire shoot, thank goodness for pacifiers

The Nursery - beautiful wall mural done by Tracey Feller

Going Home - Part 2

Back on January 23rd I posted "Going Home - Part 1" and spoke about the positive outlook we were taking that one day she would be coming home with us. After 114 days/16 weeks/almost 4 months, that time has come. Enduring 3 surgeries, many blood transfusions, medicines, tests, x-rays and scary moments, Natalie was finally ready to come home.

Last Saturday, we arrived to news that she would be going home on Tuesday. We were not surprised because she had been eating well, but we were far from prepared. We decided not to spread the news in case the day changed, which we know happens often. I went to work on Monday, signed all my leave paperwork, met with HR, met with my coworkers to go over projects and rushed out the door so I could get to the hospital and go over any discharge information needed. I got there kind of flustered to news that she was leaving on Thursday. She was not gaining enough weight on the breastmilk alone and they wanted to add back in the formula supplement to give her more calories. They wanted to wait 48 hours to see how it went and then she had her ophthalmologist appointment on Thursday, so they decided to keep her until then. It ended up being a blessing because I got to spend two days with her nurse showing me how to administer all her medicines and when to give them to her. I got to ask all my last minute questions and felt a lot more confident taking her home because of it.

It was a very strange feeling knowing that she was coming home. Part of me was ecstatic and the other part terrified. I was unsure of dealing with the medicine and the 8 different specialists we had to follow up with. Most of all, it was an unreal feeling of "I'm not ready" to take care of a newborn. As much as our situation was unique, it was the same feeling all new parents have. We cleaned the house, set up everything we would need and prepared the best we could. Everyone at the NICU kept asking: "are you ready?" No, no no no no! I don't think anyone can ever be really ready to go to the hospital in the morning and come home with that kind of life-changer, an adorable one, but still a complete lifer-changer.

Saying goodbye to Natalie's nurses and respiratory therapists and everyone who we had contact with over the past four months was extremely hard. They have an amazing community there that they opened to us over this time and it was like the last day of school. There are a handful that have extra special spots in our hearts that helped us through the scary times. Maybe it was because it just happened to be their shift that day or a relationship developed over the many weeks we were there, but they saw our little family at our worst and at our best. I loved how excited everyone was that Natalie was getting ready to come home. If it was their last day working before she was supposed to be discharged, they would make a point to come in and wish us good luck and get one last squeeze in from her. They were so happy and I have to imagine watching these little ones grow strong to go home is probably one of the highlights of their jobs. We are going to miss them very much and we will make sure to stop by and show off our sweet girl, but more important catch up with the many friends we made.

So, she was discharged. It happened very fast and then they kind of just looked at us like "umm..you can go now". It was the weirdest feeling ever. Jimmy and I just exchanged glances, like shouldn't there be more to this after all this time? We wheeled her out in her Britax chariot and said our goodbyes quickly before I started crying at them. She looked so tiny in her stroller even at 7 lb 10 oz and fell asleep almost instantaneously as we walked through the hospital. I kept my cool and we were almost out the door when we ran into the priest who baptized her a few days after she was born. He had not seen her since she was sick in February and he could not get over the healthy, pudgy little infant that was leaving that day. He had a visiting priest with him and explained the situation, then they both blessed her. Then I lost it. I think it was the fact that this was the man who had blessed her at her most vulnerable, when she was first born and then we she got very sick. To see him do it now kind of brought the whole ordeal full circle.

We drove home; Jimmy in the drivers seat and me in the back with my hand by her stomach (it is really hard to tell if she is breathing sometimes!). We had been warned about difficult transitions from the NICU to home, but Natalie has entered seamlessly into our lives. She sticks to her three-hour NICU schedule and lets us know if we are a minute late with her food. She sleeps good and though she prefers to be in our arms, does not cry if we put her in her bed (usually). She showed off for her pediatrician the next day performing all her tricks of babbling at her and holding her head up. We have a ton of doctor's appointments in the next few months, but we feel like life is starting again after months of being on hold while she was in the hospital.

This blog has been a great way for me to keep everyone posted. It started as a tool to keep my family and friends in the loop, but quickly grew as Natalie's story spread, sometimes to people we have never even met. You have been our best cheerleaders and supporters. I will not say we could not have done it without you because I have confidence in our strength together as a family, but your presence did make it a whole heck of a lot easier and we can never thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

I will continue posting once a week to update you all who are not on Facebook of Natalie's progress and of course, post cute pictures of her. I do not think I will ever go back and read this blog. Jimmy started to and after a few entries just sat there crying. We look at our strong little girl and cannot believe she is the same girl as that tiny baby who careened into our life back in January. She seemed so frail then and we get emotional even thinking about it. We are so proud of her and grateful she is such a little fighter.

Maybe, one day, someone will stumble upon this while going through a similar situation. I do not know if it would help them, but at least it might help put words to their feelings and give them hope that the tiniest forms of our species are the strongest of us all.

And here is your daily dose of Natalie Rose:

After her eye exam - what just happened?!

Going home outfit - had to have roses on it 

In her car seat

Ready to go!

Took a nap as soon as we came home

Pediatrician appointment is so exhausting

Milk coma

Tummy Time!

We do not like baths

But this isn't too bad

Love cuddling up to Daddy

 

Happy Due Date

15 weeks ago, May 8^th seemed so far away. Today is Natalie’s due date and she is finally 40 weeks. This means that tomorrow we can start her corrected age of 1 Day Old. What I once hoped would be my "Mother's Day Baby" is already 3 1/2 months old and I cannot imagine her any other way.

Natalie is progressing into a beautiful, healthy baby girl. The past couple of weeks have produced astounding changes as she now stares directly at you when you are talking to her and she looks from person to person while there is a conversation going. She cries for her bottle and has even started whining when you put her back in her crib. I have spent months not feeling guilty for putting her back, but now she whines and gives me a big puppy dog look when I tuck her back in bed. She hates her baths and acts like it is torture. And like any other child on the planet, getting her face wiped clean is a major offense.

She lost almost a whole pound on her diuretic and is now working her way back up. She is 7 lb 3 oz and she looks so much better. People ask how you can tell that is fluid she is retaining and let me tell you there is a big difference between a chubby baby and a bloated one.

Her tongue was bright white and they found out she has thrush on Sunday. They started her on medicine that day and by the next day there was a huge difference. Thrush is a type of yeast infection in her mouth and they said it probably burned while she was eating.

Between her fluid coming down and mouth healing she has been eating like a whole new baby this week.

A lot of the nurses and staff have been taking vacations and have returned this weekend. Their reactions when they see Natalie are amazing. They all think she is adorable, and beautiful and they promise, “they are not just saying it”.  They cannot get over how alert she is and how well she is doing. It must be one of their favorite parts of their jobs to see one of their babies do this well after all these months. They all want to know if she is on the discharge team and when she going home, but we still do not know. My nurse yesterday said probably in the next 10-14 days. Eek!

In our time at the NICU we have met so many families going through similar situations as us. Though a lot of children come through the NICU and stay for a couple of days, there is a core group of us that are there for the long haul. It is impossible to not feel a connection with them as we experience this together. In talking to them it is amazing to see that though we have encountered many of the same challenges, every experience is entirely different. I guess the NICU team was right back in January when they said they could not tell us what to expect.

We are both excited and scared for her homecoming, but I am sure that is normal for everyone including parents who have full-term, “normal” babies. I just cannot wait to not have to say goodbye to her every night and being there when she wakes up throughout the day is going to be an inexplicable joy.

Until next week friends. I apologize for how boring these entries have been, but hopefully, they excite you all as they do myself for their wonderful news.

Here is your dose of Natalie Rose - 

Stop taking pictures of me and give me my bottle. Or else.

Our happy girl

Milk Coma

After bath and holding her pacifier like a pro

One Hundred Days

Yesterday (Wednesday), was 100 days since Natalie was born and since we have been on this roller coaster ride in the NICU.

She is 19 inches long and weighs in at 7 lbs 8 oz (some of that is her retaining fluids, so take a few ounces off for a realistic weight). Natalie looks at you when you talk to her and turns her gazes on the different people in the room and checks them out. Losing her pacifier is pretty much the worst thing in the world, but nothing is better than curling up on a warm lap, be it family member or nurse. I would be lying if I said she makes sweet, baby cooing sounds. She grunts and can best be described as sounding like anything from a little piggy to an angry goat.

She is doing terrific. She is still struggling with eating and it is taking longer than we thought it would, but she is moving along. They keep raising her food amount and they try to bottle-feed her every other feed. If she seems tired, they just give it to her through her gavage. Sometimes she eats great. Sometimes she chokes on her food, turns blue and the nurse has to rush in to help her breath. That happened last night while I was feeding her and it scared the crap out of me (and my Dad and Jimmy). Any thoughts I had about wanting her home ASAP were lost and I am very happy with her taking her time. The nurses are not too concerned about these episodes. Their response? “She’s being a preemie”. I pointed out that tomorrow she will be 39 weeks gestation, so she really is not a preemie anymore. They laughed and said “once a preemie, always a preemie ... for the first 18 months anyways”.

I find myself absolutely in awe of her. She is so strong and alert. I have that I have blocked out a lot of the scary events of the past few months, but as she is getting stronger I cannot help but think of how far she has come in these 100 days. Driving home the other night, I started thinking about the weekend in February when she got very sick. I remembered how the night after her surgery we stayed at the hotel down the street from the hospital because we felt sleeping 20 minutes away was too far. I have this poignant memory that, unfortunately, I think will always be with me. After that terrible day of events, I decided I would try to relax and take a nice, long bath. Jimmy came in to find me hysterically crying in the bathtub. I was in almost a panic because I realized while soaking I washed the smell of her off my hands. I was inconsolable because I was so afraid she would not make it through the night and I would never smell her again. I drove home the other night crying at that memory. Crying partially because of the pain of it, but also tears of relief that our little girl made it.

So we trudge along on this journey. Hopefully, she will be home in the next couple of weeks, but I am not concerned with time as long as when she does come home she is ready. Her baby furniture arrived yesterday and we have started setting up her room. I cannot wait to welcome her into our life completely. The nurses tell me she is a morning baby and I am excited to see it for myself!

As for this blog? Today's post marks the 40th entry and we have had over 25,000 page views. Natalie is a lucky girl to have you all cheering for her and I am glad you have stuck with her story so far. 

Here is your dose of Natalie Rose, her new room's window does not get a lot of sun, so it is harder to get good photos:

 

3 Months

On Monday Natalie was three month’s old. Tuesday marked week 13. Wednesday, marked two months from her original surgery and she got her PICC line out. It was the first time since she was born that I was able to pick her up from her crib on my own. She is still connected to the monitors, but otherwise, she is wire free. It was a nice feeling of control to be able to take her out and put her back without having to wait for the nurse to come in to do either. 

Today she is 38 weeks gestation and weighs in at a whopping 6 lb 13 oz!

Tuesday I met the physical therapist that checks on the NICU babies once a week. A few of the nurses have mentioned her and how knowledgeable she is to help us when we are home. She explained that after preemie babies go home that they come in for check ups every few months for the first two years. However, with really little preemies (around 28 weeks or earlier) they do not wait for four months to evaluate their development, but start physical therapy right away. She explained that it is pointless to wait 4 months to find a problem when they could have already been fixing it. So Natalie will go home with a prescription for physical therapy once a week for the first four months and then they will decide whether she needs to continue it at that point. 

Yesterday, they ran full blood tests and found that her bilirubin and liver enzymes were a bit high. They assured us that this often happens when the baby is on TPN (IV nutrition) for a long time. It can sometimes correct itself, but there is medicine to help if it is needed. They are going to do an ultra sound just to double check that she is not having gallbladder problems, but they are really just doing that to cover their bases.  

Natalie has not been eating very well from her bottle. They told us it might be a struggle and it has been. She still has her gavage tube (feeding tube) in and when she is too tired they give her the food that way. Last week she was taking almost all of her bottles, but now that she is at almost 2 ounces every three hours, it seems a lot harder for her. The feeding specialist has been to see her a few times. Sometimes she is just too tired and they let her sleep; other times, she is so eager she sucks too hard and stops breathing. So right now they are only trying to bottle feed her at every other feed and she usually takes a little less than half.

Otherwise, she is doing great. She seems to get cuter everyday. She makes all those newborn cooing and grunting sounds, and blesses us occasionally with her little smile. When I come in after work she usually stirs to the sound of my voice and wakes a little to check me out, then contentedly goes back to sleep. She has a sweet disposition and her nurses seem to love her. In the new hall she is in, we mostly have new nurses who are just getting to have her for the first time. Yesterday, it was a nurse who was at her delivery and had not really seen her since. She could not get over this healthy little girl whose birth she was at and swears she has the same sweet little face.

As for Jimmy and myself, we trek on. The work, hospital, home and repeat schedule is getting old very fast. We trudged out of her room late Wednesday night and when the nurses asked how we were doing, my only response was "Day 92". They laughed and told us not to worry, only a few more weeks at the hospital and then our real work begins. I am just looking forward to actually being home, maybe I will get to cook a dinner or two! 

Here is your dose of Natalie Rose:

This is usually what I walk in to after work

It's ok, I rather sleep than eat

Chilling with Mommy

Kangarooing with Daddy (yes, Daddy is wearing my Kangaroo shirt)

Showers of Love

Natalie is doing awesome. A month ago I would have been nervous to write that because it might jinx something, but those superstitions have left us as she has gotten stronger and healthier. We were told last weekend that if all goes well she would be home in 3-4 weeks. All is going well and I think she will be home before we know it - probably in 2 weeks not 3. They up her feeds every day and she is up to 35 mls, which is a little over an ounce every three hours. In the next day or two, she will be up to what they consider "full feeds" and then they can take her off her TPN, which is her IV nutrition. If all goes smoothly, she will then get her PICC line taken out which has been on the side of her scalp since her surgery on February 22.

Natalie is 6 lbs 9 oz as of today. She is taking most of her feeds by bottle, but they keep the gavage (feeding) tube in to give her the milk that way when she is too tired to use the bottle. She is like clockwork on her three hour hospital schedule and about 15 minutes before the hour starts stirring and/or fussing depending on how hungry she is. On Thursday, they took her off high flow (her nasal canulla) and she has been breathing completely on her own since.

Over the past week, almost every nurse and NICU staff member has stopped to talk to me when they spot me. They all just keep telling me how amazing she looks and how good she is doing. They have always kept a brave front for us, but in many of them you can see true excitement and relief at her progress. We were moved to "West St" in the NICU. In the unit there are 4 hallways (North, South, East and West Street) and she has been in South St since she has arrived. We spent 4 weeks in room 2 and then the past 8 in room 1. These two rooms are right near the entrance with the center desks and is apparently the loudest area. She was moved on Wednesday which is a big sign that she is on her way home. She was in the high traffic area where she was close to the doctors and staff if they were ever needed. She is now on the quiet hall where there are private/smaller rooms and not as much foot traffic. Obviously, her nurse is still tending to her and in the area just as much, but it is much quieter. Everyone told us how much we would like it there, but I guess after being in the center of it all for so long, it is a little lonely there. And to be perfectly honest, I am a really nosy person and like seeing everyone who comes through the door.

I left work on Thursday feeling sick with a cold and decided to go home and take my temperature before going to see her. The NICU basic rule is if you have a fever, stay away. I went home and sure enough I had a fever. By a few hours later, I had a 102.8 fever. I guess it was only a matter of time before I wore myself down, but I got hit hard. Usually when I get sick I ignore it go to work, but not this time. I stayed home, slept and drank tons of fluids. I went to the doctor to confirm it was viral and was told by him, the NICU and my OB (yes, we checked with everyone) that it was safe to see her 24 hours after my fever broke. This would have put me at earlier today, but I decided to play it safe and wait until tomorrow to go spend the day with her. It has been very hard not seeing her since Wednesday. Luckily, I have so much trust and love for the nurses, I do not worry about leaving her, but I did miss her. Jimmy visited her each day of course and she was fine, which is great, but part of me wondered if she noticed my absence. It is hard to know what they are aware of, but I am hoping tomorrow she will be relaxed and happy to have me back.

Another big event was both Grandmas got to finally hold their baby this week. My Mom came on Wednesday to hold her. She has been asking me just about every week since Day 1 when she could finally hold her and she was very excited when her time came. She did good and did not cry too hard, but teared up when she finally got to feel that little bundle of warmth and tell her "You know how much I love you, right?" It was a special moment and they hung out for some time while they switched her things to her new room. Jimmy's mom got to hold her on Friday night after she flew in from NC. I was still in quarantine but heard Grandma and baby were very happy, and Claire had a very wide-awake critter in her arms.

Today was my long- awaited, twice rescheduled baby shower. Originally it was supposed to be March 7th, but that was when she was supposed to arrive in May. We rescheduled it, but then when she got really sick, I asked my sister to cancel it and not worry about it until after her surgeries. I wanted to wait until we knew for sure she was coming home otherwise I do not think anyone would enjoy themselves as much. But today was a beautiful event, we got to celebrate our little miracle on the nicest day of the year so far. Everyone was very happy and there was just a general feeling of relief amongst the group. I cannot get over the generosity and love shown to our little family. We are truly blessed.

I have to thank my sister in all of this. After a couple years of trying and two miscarriages, when we finally got past that 1st trimester I was all over her about my shower. I was just so incredibly excited that this was finally happening. Then since she was born early I have changed my mind a million times, cry when I am not sure about something and in general am not always the most pleasant person in front of her (I mean what are sisters for?) Other than light teasing, she has taken it stride and along with my Mom and Sister-in-Law and Jimmy's Mom and Sister and my Dad threw me an amazing day. It was stressful on her, and I was a bit of a lunatic, and had to remind myself that she was dealing with all that while her baby niece (not just my daughter) was going through all of this. I know how I feel about my nieces and nephews, and cannot imagine watching from the sidelines.

So another super long post because it has been almost a week since I have updated you all. But I am so happy to be able to only give you good news. When we got home from the shower, Jimmy had a Facebook message from one of the NICU couples we have made friends with during our time. Their baby boy has had a long journey like Natalie, but with different challenges along the way. Both our babies got sick around the same time and we started to check in with each other. It was nice to have a friendly face to share our happy moments and our scary moments with. When we got home the message let us know that they were discharged today. I am sad we did not see them, but am so incredibly happy to hear he is able to go home and start his wonderful like with his parents. It made Jimmy and me very happy, and excited to have our own homecoming soon.

Here is your dose of Miss Natalie Rose:

12 weeks of our sweet girl

Snoozing

Newborn clothes are still a little big, but she is starting to fill them out!

Resting after a bottle

She finally got her hands on her! My mom with Natalie

Grandma Claire with Natalie wrapped in a blanket one her students made just for our girl

82 Days - Not That I'm Counting

I was waiting for Natalie to wake up and be extubated to do a new update because otherwise, there would not be much to say. Like last time she rode her ventilator for almost three days. On Friday, I was disappointed to find her still on it and was told the doctor wanted to let her dictate the schedule. I told them, I am not doctor, but in that case, she would be on it until next week. When she is on it she cannot make noise, so I would just see her squirming, go and check and see her face scrunched up like she was crying real hard, but no sound would come out. It is so pitiful, it is probably my least favorite aspect of the vent.

So to our surprise when we called in that night we were told she was extubated and back on her nasal canulla. It was a different doctor on that shift, who is a little more aggressive, and also Natalie almost pulled it out herself which could have proved dangerous if there did not happen to be a nurse in the room at the moment. We also got the good news that she was starting to get some output into her diaper. All good news.

We arrived on Saturday morning to a wide awake baby who had just had her first ever bottle. We were happy to hear they were starting her food again and to have it not in a feeding tube was just icing on the cake. It was only 5 mls which is like a teaspoon, but it was still something. These preemies have a really tough time coordinating sucking, swallowing and breathing all at the once so the nurses have very specific instructions on how to feed her. She was struggling a bit yesterday, so just the nurse fed her. I was so proud of her while watching her eat and at the same time thinking about how far she has come since that little 24-week squeaker she was a few months ago.

We spoke with the doctor, assuring her that we understand that nothing is guaranteed, about when she might be able to come home. We just do not want to be caught off guard if she comes home sooner than expected. The doctor said 3-4 weeks is a safe bet, which means we are back on schedule for around her due date in May. We are very excited, nervous and starting to scramble to get the house ready.

Today I got to feed her myself. There are all these little tricks on how to do it so she can learn to pace herself and she acted like she has been eating for months. It was such a nice feeling to feed her even though it only lasts for about two minutes. A little while after both feeds her heart rate dropped drastically. The first time freaked me out because I was holding her and not expecting it. She turned blue and the nurses had to come intervene. I was really hoping these things wouldn't happen anymore, but she is keeping me on my toes. Once it happened after the next feeding, they think she is having some reflux but promise that happens to a lot of preemies and they will keep an eye on it. 

Here is your dose of Natalie Rose:

After her surgery, on the respirator and resting

The Holy Grail, this is 5 mls of milk in her second bottle of her life

Not sure about this, oh wait, this is the best. thing. ever.

Resting on Mama for the first time post-surgery

My sweet girl