One Hundred Days

Yesterday (Wednesday), was 100 days since Natalie was born and since we have been on this roller coaster ride in the NICU.

She is 19 inches long and weighs in at 7 lbs 8 oz (some of that is her retaining fluids, so take a few ounces off for a realistic weight). Natalie looks at you when you talk to her and turns her gazes on the different people in the room and checks them out. Losing her pacifier is pretty much the worst thing in the world, but nothing is better than curling up on a warm lap, be it family member or nurse. I would be lying if I said she makes sweet, baby cooing sounds. She grunts and can best be described as sounding like anything from a little piggy to an angry goat.

She is doing terrific. She is still struggling with eating and it is taking longer than we thought it would, but she is moving along. They keep raising her food amount and they try to bottle-feed her every other feed. If she seems tired, they just give it to her through her gavage. Sometimes she eats great. Sometimes she chokes on her food, turns blue and the nurse has to rush in to help her breath. That happened last night while I was feeding her and it scared the crap out of me (and my Dad and Jimmy). Any thoughts I had about wanting her home ASAP were lost and I am very happy with her taking her time. The nurses are not too concerned about these episodes. Their response? “She’s being a preemie”. I pointed out that tomorrow she will be 39 weeks gestation, so she really is not a preemie anymore. They laughed and said “once a preemie, always a preemie ... for the first 18 months anyways”.

I find myself absolutely in awe of her. She is so strong and alert. I have that I have blocked out a lot of the scary events of the past few months, but as she is getting stronger I cannot help but think of how far she has come in these 100 days. Driving home the other night, I started thinking about the weekend in February when she got very sick. I remembered how the night after her surgery we stayed at the hotel down the street from the hospital because we felt sleeping 20 minutes away was too far. I have this poignant memory that, unfortunately, I think will always be with me. After that terrible day of events, I decided I would try to relax and take a nice, long bath. Jimmy came in to find me hysterically crying in the bathtub. I was in almost a panic because I realized while soaking I washed the smell of her off my hands. I was inconsolable because I was so afraid she would not make it through the night and I would never smell her again. I drove home the other night crying at that memory. Crying partially because of the pain of it, but also tears of relief that our little girl made it.

So we trudge along on this journey. Hopefully, she will be home in the next couple of weeks, but I am not concerned with time as long as when she does come home she is ready. Her baby furniture arrived yesterday and we have started setting up her room. I cannot wait to welcome her into our life completely. The nurses tell me she is a morning baby and I am excited to see it for myself!

As for this blog? Today's post marks the 40th entry and we have had over 25,000 page views. Natalie is a lucky girl to have you all cheering for her and I am glad you have stuck with her story so far. 

Here is your dose of Natalie Rose, her new room's window does not get a lot of sun, so it is harder to get good photos: