Going Home - Part 2

Back on January 23rd I posted "Going Home - Part 1" and spoke about the positive outlook we were taking that one day she would be coming home with us. After 114 days/16 weeks/almost 4 months, that time has come. Enduring 3 surgeries, many blood transfusions, medicines, tests, x-rays and scary moments, Natalie was finally ready to come home.

Last Saturday, we arrived to news that she would be going home on Tuesday. We were not surprised because she had been eating well, but we were far from prepared. We decided not to spread the news in case the day changed, which we know happens often. I went to work on Monday, signed all my leave paperwork, met with HR, met with my coworkers to go over projects and rushed out the door so I could get to the hospital and go over any discharge information needed. I got there kind of flustered to news that she was leaving on Thursday. She was not gaining enough weight on the breastmilk alone and they wanted to add back in the formula supplement to give her more calories. They wanted to wait 48 hours to see how it went and then she had her ophthalmologist appointment on Thursday, so they decided to keep her until then. It ended up being a blessing because I got to spend two days with her nurse showing me how to administer all her medicines and when to give them to her. I got to ask all my last minute questions and felt a lot more confident taking her home because of it.

It was a very strange feeling knowing that she was coming home. Part of me was ecstatic and the other part terrified. I was unsure of dealing with the medicine and the 8 different specialists we had to follow up with. Most of all, it was an unreal feeling of "I'm not ready" to take care of a newborn. As much as our situation was unique, it was the same feeling all new parents have. We cleaned the house, set up everything we would need and prepared the best we could. Everyone at the NICU kept asking: "are you ready?" No, no no no no! I don't think anyone can ever be really ready to go to the hospital in the morning and come home with that kind of life-changer, an adorable one, but still a complete lifer-changer.

Saying goodbye to Natalie's nurses and respiratory therapists and everyone who we had contact with over the past four months was extremely hard. They have an amazing community there that they opened to us over this time and it was like the last day of school. There are a handful that have extra special spots in our hearts that helped us through the scary times. Maybe it was because it just happened to be their shift that day or a relationship developed over the many weeks we were there, but they saw our little family at our worst and at our best. I loved how excited everyone was that Natalie was getting ready to come home. If it was their last day working before she was supposed to be discharged, they would make a point to come in and wish us good luck and get one last squeeze in from her. They were so happy and I have to imagine watching these little ones grow strong to go home is probably one of the highlights of their jobs. We are going to miss them very much and we will make sure to stop by and show off our sweet girl, but more important catch up with the many friends we made.

So, she was discharged. It happened very fast and then they kind of just looked at us like "umm..you can go now". It was the weirdest feeling ever. Jimmy and I just exchanged glances, like shouldn't there be more to this after all this time? We wheeled her out in her Britax chariot and said our goodbyes quickly before I started crying at them. She looked so tiny in her stroller even at 7 lb 10 oz and fell asleep almost instantaneously as we walked through the hospital. I kept my cool and we were almost out the door when we ran into the priest who baptized her a few days after she was born. He had not seen her since she was sick in February and he could not get over the healthy, pudgy little infant that was leaving that day. He had a visiting priest with him and explained the situation, then they both blessed her. Then I lost it. I think it was the fact that this was the man who had blessed her at her most vulnerable, when she was first born and then we she got very sick. To see him do it now kind of brought the whole ordeal full circle.

We drove home; Jimmy in the drivers seat and me in the back with my hand by her stomach (it is really hard to tell if she is breathing sometimes!). We had been warned about difficult transitions from the NICU to home, but Natalie has entered seamlessly into our lives. She sticks to her three-hour NICU schedule and lets us know if we are a minute late with her food. She sleeps good and though she prefers to be in our arms, does not cry if we put her in her bed (usually). She showed off for her pediatrician the next day performing all her tricks of babbling at her and holding her head up. We have a ton of doctor's appointments in the next few months, but we feel like life is starting again after months of being on hold while she was in the hospital.

This blog has been a great way for me to keep everyone posted. It started as a tool to keep my family and friends in the loop, but quickly grew as Natalie's story spread, sometimes to people we have never even met. You have been our best cheerleaders and supporters. I will not say we could not have done it without you because I have confidence in our strength together as a family, but your presence did make it a whole heck of a lot easier and we can never thank you for your thoughts and prayers.

I will continue posting once a week to update you all who are not on Facebook of Natalie's progress and of course, post cute pictures of her. I do not think I will ever go back and read this blog. Jimmy started to and after a few entries just sat there crying. We look at our strong little girl and cannot believe she is the same girl as that tiny baby who careened into our life back in January. She seemed so frail then and we get emotional even thinking about it. We are so proud of her and grateful she is such a little fighter.

Maybe, one day, someone will stumble upon this while going through a similar situation. I do not know if it would help them, but at least it might help put words to their feelings and give them hope that the tiniest forms of our species are the strongest of us all.

And here is your daily dose of Natalie Rose:

After her eye exam - what just happened?!

Going home outfit - had to have roses on it 

In her car seat

Ready to go!

Took a nap as soon as we came home

Pediatrician appointment is so exhausting

Milk coma

Tummy Time!

We do not like baths

But this isn't too bad

Love cuddling up to Daddy